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man and gal

I AM GLAD I AM A MAN

I am glad I am a man
So you're glad you're a chick? Well, I'm glad
I'm a man. So have a seat, missy, and I'll tell
ya why I'm so glad I'm a man, I could stand
and applaud That I don't have to live life as
a broad. We do the same work, but I'm better
paid. There's honor and not shame for me when
I get laid. I can get head in a restaurant
booth. Mechanics will (usually) tell me the
truth. I can go sit at a bar all alone
Without twenty drunk losers inviting me home.

Workmen and service men never do hassle me.
Car CD players don't simply baffle me. I can
reach stuff hidden on the top shelf. I can
change light bulbs all by myself. No one
expects anything when I just flirt. I don't
have to wear dumb stuff like hose or a skirt.
My underwear's cotton, and three for eight
bucks. Bras are expensive and WIRE - that sucks.
I get to buy cool stuff like hammers
and drills. You have to buy makeup and birth
control pills. Never will I suffer from PMS.
It takes me ten minutes to shower and dress.
Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
I don't have a purse full of useless old stuff.

None of my co-workers can make me cry. When
someone fails to call, I don't give a shit
why. I never will need an electrician or
plumber. I can date someone much younger and
dumber. I'm GLAD I'm a guy, with two balls
and a dick, So I don't have to live life as
a chick. I revel in guy-hood with joy I can't
squelch, And I'll celebrate every scratch, every belch.

I'm glad I'm a man, of that I am proud. I'm not
at all bitchy, annoying and loud. I won't try
to squeeze in jeans three sizes too small. My
credit card is still good when I leave from
the mall. I won't drink Diet Coke, or eat a
rice cake. There's no silicone here, my chest
isn't fake. My face isn't "lifted," my bra
isn't stuffed, I do what's proper, I leave
the toilet seat up. It doesn't take hours to
fix up my hair, I don't see the need to use
bathrooms in pairs.

I won't throw a tirade and then blame PMS.
I'm a man and I'm glad I can deal with my
stress. I have intuition, I never get lost.
I share household duties, I won't try to be
the boss. I'm a man and with that comes a
high sense of class, I won't wear a swimsuit
that rides up my ass. I won't cry like a
baby when Bambi gets shot I don't make up
false places, like the infamous "G-spot."

I won't go out at night in a black mini-skirt,
then slap anybody that just tries to flirt.
You crazy women scare me, you have lots of
gall, To make Lorena a hero for hacking off
balls. Yes, I'm pleased to be male and I don't
mean to gloat. I'm sorry you don't understand
how to work the remote. I'll never tease you,
or play hard to get. If I don't get my way,
I won't throw a fit. I don't worry much about
breaking a nail, My face without makeup isn't
distorted and pale.


I'll never say one thing while meaning another.
When life gets real hard, I won't run to my mother.
In order to understand just who I am; You need a
Y-chromosome; it's what makes you a man.

 

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