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Me and You Cloud

Man's Guide to Woman's English

Humor the man's guide to woman's English. This is a joke about a man's guide to a woman's English


Mans guide to a woman's English
We need = I want 
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now 
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later 
We need to talk = I need to complain 
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to 
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! 
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot 
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? 
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period 
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs 
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house 
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... 
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white 
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! 
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep 
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive 
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like 
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V. 
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful 
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me 
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.] 
Yes = No 
No = No 
Maybe = No 
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry 
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it 
Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep 
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important 
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?


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